you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize