you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
