meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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