Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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