drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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