I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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