I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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