Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
