I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize