I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
