I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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