my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
