Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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