Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
