i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
