went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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