He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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