Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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