I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
