ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
