I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
