Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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