Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
