This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
