Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
