He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The air was thick with penises
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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