But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
