just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
