i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
