I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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