I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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