I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
