it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
