I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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