I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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