You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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