I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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