conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
