omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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