So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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