I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I deserve this hangover.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
