You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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