oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
