o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
