just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
