I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
