don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
