I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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