My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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