don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
