He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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