Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
