i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
