she was so not down for the gang bang
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
