Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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