so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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