I got chris browned last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
