currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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