Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
