Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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