if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
