Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need water and some morals
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
