Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
