$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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