I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
