Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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