he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
