She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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