thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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