Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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