even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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