Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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